Dear Halloween Attraction Going Public,
If you’re going to enjoy Halloween, that is fine. If you want to go to Fright Nights, into a haunted house or on a scare train, that is very well and good. By all means go. That’s what they’re around for, so that people can enjoy the season more, so that they can have fun and get scared and generally have fun. It’s something to do for a while and it’s meant for your enjoyment when you want to get into the spirit of things.
Most people are pretty good about this. Most people go in, get scared, leave and it’s all good. Please realize the following things, though, in terms of attractions with actors.
Firstly, saying “Don’t scare us, we have small children,” will make the actors go harder on you. Seriously. Don’t bring your kids to an attraction that you think is too grown up for them, even if you are only doing it so that people won’t go so hard on you. You people know who you are. If you were wondering why it never worked, it’s because you’re being stupid.
If you want to yell things back at us instead of screaming, that’s fine. Please try to make it interesting, though. We talk between rounds of people about the trains if they’re entertaining, and we were laughing about the Ronald Reagan and Cowboy cracks for ages. Stupid comments, however, will probably only make us go a little harder on you.
In terms of trains, do not lean out of the car to see what’s coming next. You are going to hit. There is a very good reason for this to happen, though. It’s preemptive self defence.
Don’t hit the actors. We know you want to act all macho after you get scared shitless, but that’s our job. Leaning out of the car to grab us or smack us will cause a retaliation from us in some way, shape or form if we get hurt badly enough. The majority of actors are teenage girls at the train I work on, so how tough are you being really?
Also, don’t grab the props. One year a girl nearly got pulled out of her position five feet on the ground to land on her head into a moving train because some guy wanted the broom and pulled a little too hard. Don’t grab the props people. For the safety of the actors.
If you want to drink, don’t come on the train. If we see you, we back off because drunk people are stupid and violent as a general rule and that means scaring you will get us hit. So we stay away. You fucking idiots. And yet, we still get you.
To the people who smoke up on the train, do that before! There are families on the trains who don’t need to be inhaling that shit. And there’s people like me acting who are allergic.
And to the guys who ride the train multiple times so that you’re ready to reach out and grab/taunt us back and look tough in front of your kids, fuck you. You’re the reason I have the axe. And watch where you’re grabbing, because we’re mostly teenage girls and people like to grab at the chest if they know we’re coming. And pull us, which is bad when it’s a moving train.
On the other hand, please do not feel bad about laughing at our sorry asses if we trip into the train if we turn out all right. I did that and my wrist is fine, but I was pleasantly amused to ind that the loud bang as I slammed into the train scared a few people. Laughing, though would have been fine.
So if you could please stop this growing trend of violence towards the actors and make it a little safer for us next year, it would be much appreciated. Most of you have been good. The people who have not been so good, you have been warned.
Thank you.
Tags: halloween, open letter
